Bobbed

It is always nice to have a choice.

And that is the premise behind one of the parenting techniques taught by Love & Logic. It's a method of parenting that Mary and I have read about and use. We heard about Love & Logic from our friend, Vicki, and it has pretty big following here in La Crosse, probably because the Love & Logic gurus come and give free parenting workshops here every year (which in turn sells their books).

So this is what I try to do with Sofi.

But like most of my parenting skills, I'm not really all that good at it. Most of the choices I give Sofi seem to be either one of two types. They are either...

1. Not really a choice or are a choice between two undesirables---"do you want to take a nap now or in two minutes?", or...
2. They are veiled threats---"are you going to walk to the car or do I need to carry you?"

If I was a true follower of Love & Logic I would use this parenting technique to give Sofi choices about things that I am willing to relinquishing power on and over time buy good will so that I can bend my will and make a parental choice when I deem it necessary. For example, I'd frequently ask questions like "Would you like to wash your hands in the bathroom sink or the kitchen sink?" or "Do you want to play on the swings or the slide?", so that there isn't a power struggle when later on I decide to say "OK, it's Dad's turn to choose, and Dad has decided that it's time for us to go home now."

So when it comes to brushing Sofi's hair, I've had this technique of choices in mind.

I'm suppose to brush Sofi's hair everyday. Again, I'm not very good at remembering to do this. I'm pretty certain Sofi doesn't mind my forgetfulness, because she isn't too crazy about me brushing her hair. She loves the idea of long hair, of being like her cousins who have long hair as well, but she isn't in love with the idea of maintaining it and brushing it.

I used to announce that it was time to brush hair and which was in turn met with resistance, and I would threaten a hair cut as she squirmed and cried her way through the brushing. By the end of it all, the hair would be brushed but my blood pressure would be high.

So I took to giving Sofi a choice every morning... "Sofi, would you like me to brush your hair, or would you like to go get a hair cut today?"

Again, this is really a veiled threat. But framed as a choice rather than a demand, she would sit down for me without a fuss.



But just because she sits down without a fuss doesn't mean she stays that way for the brushing.

So today was the day. I was tired of it. I "reminded" her (threatened) that if she wouldn't sit still and stop fussing that we would go get a hair cut this morning. I could feel my blood pressure rising. And when it continued, instead of blowing up (which is what I felt like doing), I just put the brush away and said "OK, we'll go get a hair cut this morning".

This was met with a LARGE and LOUD burst of crying, which I expected. But it didn't last long, to my surprise, perhaps because I just moved onto the next thing... "Sofi, would you like me to paint your finger nails now?" She definitely didn't want to loose the chance to paint her finger nails, so she quickly quieted down and we painted her nails together.

And then we got on our boots and jackets, without a fuss, and headed out for the hair cut, which she in turn sat through quietly. This latter fact may be due in part to me reminding her that the beautician gives suckers to kids who behave.

After all, bribes are another parenting technique... though probably not Love & Logic.

Christmas Time

Felt like Christmas went by much too quickly this year, but it was fun while it was here.

For more Christmas photos, head on over to Flickr.

The Christmas Program

Tonight was the church Christmas Program, Sofi's first. She wore a halo and a cute little white robe and stood hanging on the altar (as she had been specifically asked NOT to do) just staring at all of the people staring at her. Which is actually not so bad for her age, At least I did not see her pick her nose or poke her neighbor or lay down on the floor (oh wait, she did do that during rehearsal this morning).

I (Mary) am involved with the church Christmas program teaching the songs and helping to get the kids to do what the paper says they should do. It is a bit like herding cats but harder mainly because everyone is watching you try to do it. Also it's their little darling that you need to coerce into doing something they don't see a need to do, and you must do the coercing extremely kindly and sweetly, even when you feel like just hog-tying the child and propping him up against the pulpit.

Parents love it. If not for the beautiful time tested story, or the cute costumes, then just for the hilarity of watching it all. Tonight I overheard the spectacle being compared to a movie. Hmmmm perhaps something by Mel Brooks along the line of "Airplane". The rehearsal room before the show closely resembles the set, almost as if someone cued the little boys with fake swords chasing each other around the piano or the little girls in angel wings running and screaming their heads off. The kids were literally bouncing off the walls in their excitement. I believe it was physically impossible for them to stand still and be quiet, so singing a calm melody and inviting them all to join in was my only ticket to sanity.

Ah the Christmas Story. I'm sure it's always been exciting, "Did you hear?! They say a king is born! A King! In our town! Can you believe it?!" Perhaps people were bouncing off the walls and crowding in that little cave to visit the baby and see what all the fuss was about that night too. Sharing stories and gossip, gawking and dreaming of what this might mean. After all it was pretty busy in Bethlehem that night...and I imagine poor Mary just needing to rest!

We all need a rest after tonights re-enactment of the spectacle of that miracle.

Visit Flickr for a few more non-family photos of the Christmas worship service.

Sofi's First Dentist Visit

Eating fish.
Getting shots from a really long needle.
Waiting in line at the DMV.

These are a few of my less favorite things.

And that is fine.

What isn't so fine, as I've come to realize as a father, is casually nurturing a similar dislike in my children. I want them to try what the world has to offer on their own, and make their up their own minds and form their own decisions.

So it was with this in mind that I took Sofi to the dentist today.

I'd done several things in preparation. We visited the office the day before, so her first trip could be a "non-event" and she could get a feel of what it looked like and what to expect. And, as is my usual prescription for a new experience, we checked out books about visiting the dentist.

And boy did I have to keep my mouth shut. While reading these books they all basically go through a typical visit, and go through the different tools the dentist will use. Pretty much ALL of them said that the tool they use to brush your teeth "tickles". Tickles? Are they kidding me? That thing that spins at high revolutions and grinds the awful tasting fluoride into my teeth? If that's tickles, why don't I giggle? And all the books mention cavities, and how they are fixed, but don't even try to explain how it feels. Thankfully Sofi had no cavities. But they didn't take x-rays (that comes during the next visit I guess), so that possibility may be drawing near. I suppose all kids get cavities eventually.

Sofi did extremely well. She even did it all without me---I waited in the waiting room filling out new patient paperwork (I didn't bring Isaac... if Sofi didn't enjoy her experience Isaac was the last person I would want to see that). She came back smiling, with a sticker on her shirt, holding a balloon, a small toy horse, a Polaroid, and a new tooth brush. I joked that I must not be a very good patient, because they only give me the toothbrush. Of course, it wouldn't matter if they did give me all that stuff---I'd still hate going.

At least Sofi has formed her on thoughts about the dentist, and they appear to be positive.

Isaac's 12 Month Check-up

Isaac had his 12 month check-up today. Mary said it was his worst one ever. Not because he is of poor health, but because he received four shots in each leg (delivered four at a time, thankfully) and had to have his finger pricked to draw two ounces of blood for a test of some sort (I think it was an iron test, but I stayed home with Sofi, so I cannot say for sure... it was routine, irregardless). Mary said Isaac was very mad about the whole thing, and screamed and cried for five minutes. I'm sure it was hard on Mom as well. She sang "Wheels on the Bus" to try to calm him, which she thinks will now probably be his least favorite song. When she ran out of versus, and started to tear up herself, the best she could do was hum.

The stats: Isaac is 29 3/4" high and weighs 20 pounds 4.4 ounces.

Isaac's First Birthday

MILESTONES:

• Started cruising
• Took his first steps the last couple of weeks (Resists being set down to sit. When I try to set him down, he tries to remain standing and then wants you to hold his hands so that he can try walking.)
• Started pointing. It's kinda like a game of distraction, as if he's saying "Hey, quick, look over there!"

Along with the above milestones, he continues to climb up onto anything he possibly can. Constantly climbing on the hearth still, to the point that we are starting to realize that he is doing this simply because he knows he shouldn't. He looks at you with the side-ways glance as if to say "Are you watching, because I'm heading towards the hearth, and you don't want me to!" As if he knows and loves that he is doing something he isn't suppose to. Also started climbing up onto the toilets, giving him even better access to everything we originally put on the back of the toilet to keep out of his reach in the first place.

In the same vein, we've started to store our toilet paper and kleenex at higher and higher altitudes, because he has started to unload and unravel whatever he can get his hands on.

He has 8 teeth, perhaps more (he doesn't really let you get a good look at them when you really want to).

We've started brushing his teeth with an actual toothbrush, instead of using a wash cloth (it really hurt when he bit down!). The first couple of times we used a brush he was very still, as if amazed that he was being treated like the rest of us.

Likes to eat mandarin oranges, grapefruit, bananas, cheese, especially cottage cheese.

No longer interested in breast feeding, which Mary has mixed emotions about.

To go along the above, Isaac has now figured out how to hold a bottle on his own, and even how to hold it up so that milk flows down (this latter part had escaped him before).

His ability to wave has turned into the ability to use sign language. But he uses the same sign for EVERYTHING, so it is pretty much meaningless. The sign he knows, because I use it for him quite a bit and because it is a lot like how he waves, is the sign for "all done". But when he wants "more" food, he signs "all done". And when I sign to him to "stop", he signs back "all done".

Mary thinks he's a "Daddy's boy" because he keeps saying "DaDa" all the time. The thing is he says that for EVERYTHING, not just for me. He calls dogs "DaDa". He calls Grandma Ardelle "DaDa". But Mary does have a point... he doesn't use "MaMa" to refer to anything. Sofi was the direct opposite of this... she used "MaMa" for everything.

Like his Dad, he enjoys tech-toys already, especially our mobile phones.

Click here if you'd like to see more of his birthday photos.

If you can think of anything else that Isaac has done/accomplished this past month, or if you would like to reminicse about Isaac's first year, please feel free to add a comment below (for those of you who view this blog on the website)....

Santa Drawing

We were headed to Red Wing today, to go there to celebrate Isaac's birthday with "Gramma D" and "Papa". Sofi was ready to go LONG before I ever was. In fact, she got herself ready around 9am, though I wasn't planning our departure until 3pm. At 9am she put her jacket on, put her boots on, and declared herself ready to go in the car. I declared that doing so would be a long and cold wait.

But Sofi was determined, and a compromise was struck. So while I packed, Sofi sat in the car in anticipation of her travels. I'm not actually sure why the eagerness... it isn't like she is incredibly well behaved in the car, and she doesn't travel like she is exactly enjoying herself. Usually there is some whining for this and that, and the putting out of small fires in our regard.

But while she waited patiently in the car for me to finish packing, Sofi drew on her etch-a-sketch.

She showed me her last drawing after I was done packing, and what I found amazing is that for the first time that I can recall, she actually tried drawing something she could see. As she told me, "It's Isaac's Santa!" And sure enough, it was. She drew Isaac's Santa toy that was sitting next to her in the car. The Santa in the drawing has a belt, just like the toy, but what is more telling is the round body, which is not only like the toy, but is something Sofi doesn't usually draw---usually the legs attach directly to the head.

Isaac's First Steps

I was going to announce this irregardless of the fact that I had not actually seen Isaac make any steps. There has been many sightings, and I hadn't seen any. My Dad saw some in Red Wing last Saturday when we were snowed in there. Lois saw some when she was watching the kids on Monday. And Mary has even seen some this week, including seeing him walk three steps in a row this evening. None of these I've seen. I always turn around to find him on the floor.

But Isaac is determined, and enough so that I did get a glimpse this afternoon myself. It was only one step, not three, but he wanted to make sure that I'd seen it myself before I went and started telling everyone else.

As you can imagine, since I've had a hard enough time actually seeing it with my own two eyes, trying to capture in video or in photos is not happening.

Books in Bed

This is how a found Sofi napping this afternoon. She likes to look at books during her nap time, usually instead of taking a nap. I guess this time she really needed a nap!

Isaac in Black

This is a picture of Isaac as drawn by Sofi on our black board downstairs.

Your Better Half

"I don't want the world
I just want your half"
~ from "Ana Ng" by They Might Be Giants

Sometimes I feel like an anal, picky parent. After all, Sofi is three, about to turn four, and I still insist she take a nap (probably for more selfish reasons), I try to insist she drink at least a half liter of water every day and don't let he have a snack until she does (actually I usually forget to do this, but when I remember I stick to my guns about water first), I don't let her check out Barbie movies at the library, and... and...

OK, I'm not all that anal and picky as a parent. I'm probably more laid back about my children's behavior than anything, and if you know me at all this really doesn't surprise you.

Still, we do have our expectations and rules as parents, and one of them is that the kids have a bed time snack before they go to bed, but it can't be sweet. No chocolate milk, no hot chocolate, no candy, no cookies. Sofi is almost four, and no matter how much she has whined about it, she has never gotten any sweets at bedtime.

Until tonight that is.

We were at the coop a couple of weeks ago when Sofi spied the M&M cookies at the deli, and declared that she wanted one. We said no, but I will admit that they looked good, so I replied that we could make some at home some time.

Well tonight is a Monday night, and that means Mary has show choir rehearsal. But the day was extra long because she couldn't come home for supper like she usually does on Mondays, because today she not only had rehearsal, but she also had to accompany Logan's senior choir on the flute. So it was a long day with only Dad and the kids, and I thought tonight after supper would be a good time to fulfill my promise on those M&M cookies.

So that is what we did.

But it got late, of course, and we really couldn't sample them until bedtime. So for the first time in Sofi's life she got a cookie for a bedtime snack.

Except, much to the surprise of Mary and I, she didn't want it.

Cookies are good, but it appears that they aren't as good as what your brother is having. Nothing perhaps is ever as good as what your brother is having.

And what was Isaac having that was better than a cookie?

A slice of watermelon. Yes, we actually heard Sofi whine and melt down, crying "I wanted the watermelon!" while a cookie sat on the table in front of her for a bedtime snack.

Her first time having sweets before bed, and cookie isn't good enough. Mary and I were amazed.

I'm not actually sure if I should be disappointed that she whined and melted down instead of asking politely for the watermelon, or if I should be happy that she would prefer produce to sugar.